Nisha Does

Pancakes That Rock!

2010-12-11T11:55:00.000-08:00

A long time ago, I made my first batch of home made, from scratch pancakes ever.
And we HATED them.
They tasted like... water or something, I dunno, they were pretty tasteless and flat.
But not one to like feeling defeated in the kitchen, I decided that giving it one more try would be a good idea. And so I did. And what do you know- I had found a recipe for the best ever fluffy pancakes around!

To begin with, I could tell that my pancakes would fluffinize because the recipe called for what I call 'in a pinch' butter milk, that is, warmed milk with vinegar or lemon juice added to make it curdle, as well as baking soda later on down the recipe.

I thought that this would be a great time to try sneaking in whole wheat flour on the family. I've got some members that will flat out refuse to eat anything that has 'wheat' in the name. So, I don't tell them that it's in there until they've taken several bites, loved it, and it's too late to turn back lol.

Notice how in this first picture, how while my batter is lumpy, there isn't much going on in it.

(don't mind the pickle, he's just there for moral support)

The recipe calls for the batter to sit for a while (as do others- and if not, it's always a good idea to give your batter a resting period to allow it to get going and get yo fluffinating)

Here, you see a few small bubbles. This means that my pancakes are gonna fluff up it's ready to go!

They're still bubbling and look how fluffy they get once they hit the hot pan-

These are gonna be so good!

(Now this is how I love them- kinda deep fried with the crispy edge... Heaaaaaven in a pancake right there!)

He loves them, of course!

Check out how fluffy those bad boys are- even with the whole wheat flour in there.

I hope that you will give this recipe a try- you may just wind up loving it as much as I do!

The recipe for these delicious pancakes can be found here, on allrecipes.com

We Finally got around to Carving the Pumpkin!

2010-10-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

Dominic did a wonderful job with his pumpkin. He 'designed' it and I did most of the carving. (had I let him, it wouldn't even be done in time for thanksgiving lol)

I'm Almost There!

2010-09-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while, hasn't it?
Yesterday was the last official day of school for me; just 6 weeks of internship and then I will have my Pastry Chef title along with a blue trimmed chef's coat and tall paper hat.
I am very much looking forward to being able to tell people that I am a pastry chef. That encompasses a lot of basic skills that can be cultured into remarkable abilities- baking styles and unique products.

Bread has become my all time favorite thing to produce.
I think it all started with learning to make pizza dough (seems like forever ago!)
For several weekends after our pizza dough class, my son and I built pizzas to order for the family.
It was great =)

Ever since, I've been baking and baking, and baking some more!

My sourdough rolls

A wedding cake with sugar lily

I felt like Bread today.

2010-05-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

There has been more baking going on in my life than I have time to blog about!
Between school and my sweet tooth, I bet that I could open up one killer bake sale stand.
Since I last posted, I've gone from learning most of what there is to know about food safety and learning the basics of baking (starting with cookies how to make cookies =-|, to learning how to and creating my own unique artisan bread.

It's been more fun than I thought it would be, but along with that, even more challenging.
There is so much more to being a pastry chef than just knowing how to bake. Fortunately, I'm learning from the best.

I've made several loaves of bread at home since I learned how to at school. I don't feel like taking a trek into the past, so we'll just start from here - these are my latest:

It's just plain ole white sandwich bread, but I LOVE this stuff. Partially because it's easy for me to make, and partially because it's the one bread that I eat the most.

And definitely because I'm using my buddy's grandmother's bread pans. I don't now how old they are, but they're not the teflon, non-stick things we use now. He let me have them because I love pans and I'd actually use them. Knowing that some one loved those pans before me (and you can definitely tell by looking at them) makes me love them all the more.

He was supposed to get one of the loaves, but he didn't answer when I called so into our freezer it went.

Eventually, I hope to be able to design a menu that will compliment artisan teas and coffees like you would not believe, but for now, baking loaves of bread rocks my socks all the the same.

Making Marshmallow Fondant pt.2 (fon-DONT!) lol

2010-02-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

I talked about I had great plans to make a fabulous fondant covered cake for my big brother's birthday. Here's how it went...

To start, I needed:

1/4 cup butter
1 (16 ounce) package miniature marshmallows
4 tablespoons water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 pounds confectioners' sugar, divided

The butter is just what you would use to grease your surface. This is a pretty sticky situation. I used shortening instead because I had seen another recipe that used it instead of butter. Plus- I paid $8 for my butter and didn't want to just rub it on the table.

A bag of marshmallows go into the microwave to be melted.

After they were melted, I added 4 TBS of water and some vanilla and stirred it up some more.

While it was in the bowl, I added some of the powdered sugar. The recipe calls for a whole bag. I added sugar until the mixture was stiff enough to be turned out onto the table, then added some more.

At this time, it was kind of like dry biscuit dough. Still very lumpy.

When I started, I began with a greased surface but found that all the stuff would do was take in the grease and then stick to the table. So, I wound up just adding powdered sugar to make a 'floured' surface. Rather than just dumping more onto the lump, I just laid it down. This prevented small sugar explosions (that did happen lol)

It was the consistency of very soft play doh. I was in heaven with it =-)

I thought I was done, so I rolled it into a log to be put into a plastic baggie, but when I picked it up to test the stiffness andIt failed.

After I got it to a stiffer dough texture by adding more powdered sugar, I added a few dabs of food coloring. The kind used here is Wilton's gel decorator colors. I kneaded it a bit then realized that when they say "leaf green", they mean leaf green! It was the only green available at my local store, so I figured that like with liquid colors, I could just use more for a deeper color.

This was not the case.

It took me 3 additions of color to get to a shade near the color I had in my head. My brother's favorite color is green, and I love yellow so that was the route I was going... a green cake with yellow and white decoration.

Repeated the same steps for making a bit of yellow.

My finished colors:

I made the fondant a day before the cake because I'd read that colors need time to sit and develop.

They didn't do much of that and pretty much stayed the same.

I thought the yellow and green were too bright so I adjusted the colors by adding some red to the yellow and blue to the green. Ironically, I got the basic crayola colors by doing this. Too much red!!

I blame the way the colors turned out (which, I know aren't bad- just not what I wanted as far as the yellow) on stores putting holiday stuff out like 2 months before their time. Can any one say Mardi Gras?

I'm going to move past the rolling out part which was terribly frustrating. It was hot in the house so my fondant got way too soft and sticky. I rolled it too thin too, as you can see:

There were tears (yeah, both kind lol) and holes every where. i had to patch and smooth a lot of places on this cake. To make matters worse, my lemon cream frosting began to soften and layers started sliding. This wouldn't have happened had I use a dowel in the center. Frankly, I didn't know what the hell I was doing and didn't think it would matter. It was a short cake and I didn't predict that there would be much cooking and heating of the house going on that night.

In the pinch, I just called it what it was and covered it with lots of stuff lol.

The cake wound up looking more like it was meant for a 3 year old rather than a 30 year old, but guess what....

It was delicious!

Making Marshmallow Fondant pt.1

2010-02-07T16:48:00.000-08:00

The idea of a perfectly smooth, almost candy-like cake rocks my world.

My brother's birthday just past- He turned the big 3-0 and it is kind of tradition for me to make birthday cakes for every one in my family. Usually I use box cake and store bought frosting, but as you can see, My passion for baking is back!
It was my great idea to make a home made lemon cake with home made lemon cream filling and fondant. I didn't find a totally home made cake recipe for this one, but I'm happy with the one I found, which is a hybrid.

This recipe is based with white cake, but after reading the reviews, I decided that lemon would work too.

Is what you'll need to make this one. For some reason, I gravitate to recipes using sour cream and almost extract. I just love the way they taste!

My cakes baked up nice and even (which is a surprise- this never happens!)

After debating between adding a bit of contrast by adding some vanilla frosting between the layers, I decided to go with a lemon cream frosting. Of course, I found the recipe on Allrecipes.com. I can't wait to find my very own recipe book in which I can add my favorite recipes. For now, I'm just printing them as I need them and stashing them away in a kitchen drawer.

This is the recipe I used for the frosting. I don't think it was thick enough as it was to use as a crumb coating for the fondant, but I did anyway. I figured that it was going to be eaten quickly, so It didn't matter. (I was very wrong lol).

Working with fondant is something that I was excited to do, but to be honest, I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into!
Making it was fun and messy. Rolling it out was frustrating and actually getting it on the cake pissed me off. That sounds like a bad relationship to me. Fortunately, i'll be learning how to do it right pretty soon.

This would be a long post if I showed you the fondant part right now, too, so I won't ;)

Getting a Rise

2010-02-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

Before I found THE perfect recipe for cinnamon buns EVER!... I had only used yeast once and that was just putting it in a bread maker.
I do believe that, aside from the smell, that I love this stuff! I've got several packets of Fleicshmann's dry yeast to use up and I'm looking forward to it. But, I think that on the package it says to proof the yeast by adding 1/4 cup warm water and a teaspoon of sugar while the recipe for these best cinnamon buns ever! calls for 1/2 cup of water. This way has worked for me just fine so far. I have come across a recipe that calls for 1 whole cup of warm water. That one worked fine too until I punched down the dough. It looked fine all rised and what not, but it barely rose more after I punched it down. The rolls that I made with it were tough, so, I won't be doing that again.

This was going to be a super long post, but I'm just going to share pictures and move on to the next =-)

After putting the dough together, it required a 10 minute kneading.

After that was done, I set it to rise for about an hour or until it doubled in size.

While it was rising, I prepared a caramel sauce for the bottom of the pans. All that was to it was to melt butter and brown sugar. It smells SOOOO good!

Next was to roll it out into a rectangle. I got it pretty good here:

The recipe says to melt the butter and brush it on, but after reading some reviews, (what I love about allrecipes.com) I just let the butter soften and spread it on.

After sprinkling with the brown sugar, cinnamon, and but mixture, I rolled and cut the Sticky buns. The last step before putting in the oven to bake is to cover and let them sit and rise for another 25 minutes in the pan.

After it was all over-

The recipe calls them 'Ooey-Goeoey Cinnamon Buns' But mine didn't turn out so ooey gooey and haven't since I've found this recipe. I think that the caramel on the bottom is what's supposed to make them ooey gooey and while it does bubble up around the buns while in the oven, it hardens fast once out.

To get that stickiness that I was looking for, I just turned them out,

and got what was left on the bottom of the pan and returned it back to my sauce pan and re-heated it.

And Now, The Good Part!!

Ooey

Gooey

I absolutely love these, but in the frenzy of putting it all together, forgetting to add salt is easy, so I often do. It goes into the pan with the milk, butter and sugar.
They could be sweeter. If they were, they would be almost exactly the Cinnabons that we love getting at the mall.

I'm Cookie Pressed!

2010-01-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

A little while back, my aunt, who keeps everything. pulled out this vintage looking cookie press and told me to have at it.
Well! She ain't said nothin but a word! lol

I freakin love this thing and got to looking for the perfect spritz cookie recipe as soon as I opened the package.

I had no idea that those little cookies that you some times get in tins or buckets were spritz cookies - I love them with milk and was glad to finally be able to make them.
The package included a little page of recipes, but I wanted super buttery goodness.
On Allrecipes.com, I found what I was looking for almost exactly:

It was around Christmas time that I started working with my press. Here's what I've gotten out of it so far:

Green Christmas trees and camels with a green spot. lol.

I didn't want to waste an ounce of this dough because I was baking for a lot of people AND the cookies are so light and delicate. You could eat them in 2 bites or one big gulp; with or with out milk.

They were soft and delicious right out of the oven. I prefer a more solid cookie when it comes to spritz, so I let mine cool completely.

(The backs baked to a nice golden color. Love that!)

Not only do I want to share my adventures and treasures with you on this blog, but I want to share what I learn as I go along in the form of baking tips and insights (hopefully I won't run out of them). ☺

The less you mess with your dough, the better. Over working or kneading cookie dough will result in tough cookies!

Here's why:

Flour contains a protein called gluten which is activated by moisture. You can sift and stir your dry ingredients together as much as you like, but once your flower comes in contact with your wet ingredients, the gluten will become activated. This causes strands of the protien to form. Remember those basic plastic beads we all played with when we were little?

Now think of linking 2 together and karate chopping those 2 pieces apart. That's easy enough, Right?

Then think of linking lots of them together, and laying them down in a kind of bull's eye circle. Karate chopping that bunch apart would be difficult because the strand is longer and kind of wound together.

When you're mixing or beating your dough together, I hope that thinking of this visualization will help you avoid tough cookies. ;-)

Did You Know That Poppy Seeds Can Kill?

2009-12-30T09:29:00.000-08:00

I think that I am the farthest thing from hip or cool that a person can be in my age group. So when it comes to knowing what's going on out there with my peers; what music is all hip in the underground, the latest fashions and popular pass times, I'm in the dark.
It's pretty much true that all I know about drugs is what I learned in the 5th grade during D.A.R.E.

So when I started feeling like making poppy seed bread or muffins or anything!, I decided that a simple internet search would do. I never liked poppy seed foods and will probably never make them for myself. I guess that what I really was wanting was something crunchy... or gritty like the underside of a pizza. (MmmMmm)

So! To make a long story short, I stumbled upon a website which is http://www.poppyseedtea.com. It tells of the sudden death of a 17 year old boy which was a result of the use of poppy seed tea. I've been sitting here reading the letters and information about it for about an hour. I'm just like 'WOW!'

When I look at my son, I can't imagine him doing anything that he knows that I wouldn't approve of. I'm just hoping that my efforts will work.
You just never know.

Please take a little time to at least browse through the site http://www.poppyseedtea.com a perhaps pass the link on to help spread the word about the dangers that we parents and loved ones don't even know exist.

--Thanks.

Let's Change Gears Here

2009-12-28T09:56:00.000-08:00

I'm looking forward to starting Culinary School in February. I just can't wait!

I've been doing a lot of baking and loving of my family and where I am in life (most of the time).
So, rather than sit here and bitch about what I don't like, I've decided to talk about what I love. Food, Family, and my Future.
I've baked lots of cookies this month and a few cakes. Most the recipes that I've used can be found on Allrecipes.com.

To jump right in here, I'd love to share photos of a cake that I made from scratch using the recipe that can be found on the back of the Hershy's Cocoa can. I'd made this cake before, just because and folks loved it! It was requested by my cousin for a Chrsitmas party and I was so happy to oblige.
Through baking, I've found my way into hearts as well as formed a bond with the kids in my family. Teaching them new things- how to measure, what goes into desserts and what it does... Just thinking about it now, I get excited because memories of food stick with us for a life time.
I'm making memories, Ya'll!

Along with all the mushy stuff, it's so satisfying to spend hours on something just to see it being appreciated.

On this cake, I used a chocolate butter cream frosting.

1/4 cup butter
2 cups confectioners' sugar
3 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons milk
is what's needed for this frosting.

Along with the frosting, some of which I piped around the bottom and on the top, I used chopped pecans that I roasted in the oven for a few minutes and maraschino cherries.

My son and cousin helped me top it off with the cherries. We had lots of fun and great smiles getting this cake done.

I have to tell you, I learned a lesson about having ingredients in stock!

I've been using chocolate a lot and only had a few tablespoons of the Hershey's left and by the time I made it to the store to get more, they were all out!

All that was left was Tollhouse.

The Tollhouse wasn't as chocolaty as the Hershey's, so my cake was a bit milder than I was expecting. Fortunately, I got to taste my frosting while making it, so I could adjust the amount of chocolate as I went on. (I wound up using way more than the recipe calls for to get that great, chocolaty taste)

Not to mention, the can is shaped funny.

Can you imagine getting the powder out of this can with out making a huge mess?

(well, you've got quite the brain if you can, cause it's not gonna happen, lol)

Eh well. bake and learn is what I'm doing.

I hope you'll join me here as I share with you my baking adventures. Perhaps you could share some of yours too?

I'm a Bit Afraid to Move On

2009-11-20T16:05:00.000-08:00

But I'm tired of fear getting the best of me- so I will!

After thinking long and hard about my decision to attend culinary school, I finally went to the campus to finish my paperwork and start the financial aid process.

Moving forward is so scary for me, because I haven't done it in a long time.

I'm not at all worried that going to school is something that I won't like or be able to finish, but I am worried about the hefty tuition costs. I've got a couple of months before I start school, and I'm going to try to cram as many scholarship applications into that time as I possibly can. I'm going to be able to apply for and if awarded, use scholarship monies toward tuition costs until the day I graduate, but it's a ball that I can't wait to get rolling. Thinking about money sucks major ass and I just don't want to do it anymore.

Hopefully, around this time next year, I will be well on my way to considering money a small part of life.

My son is always tuned into the Food Network Channel and claims that he wants to be a cook when he grows up. I asked him if he already knows how to do it, he replied 'yeah, but I have to grow up some more before I actually CAN'.

He loves producing edible splendors as much as I do. When ever we make a batch of cookies, or he has done anything as little as helping to stir a bowl of what ever we're going to eat later, he makes sure to let every one know that he helped!

My son is a video came fanatic.

I am not.

So, we don't connect there, but discovering that he loves to bake has given me a new way of getting together with him for a little one on one time. And no matter what the end result is, (whether it be tough cookies or flat cakes) I absolutely love smiling with him as a bit of flour escapes the bowl, or as the end of the knife dives into measurement that he's supposed to be leveling.

I just love to bake and there is a swing in my hip and a pep in my step when I do so. Part of the reason that I've chosen to focus on sweets as opposed to full meals is that, I think, when ever people do decide to go out to eat, most of time it's because they're hungry. They're going to eat anyway, but that little part at the end when they decide that they've saved room for the dessert that they've been eyeballing on the menu, or that they'll 'reward' them self with a sweet treat - I just want to be a part of that.

I've blogged about my latest adventure in baking here on my other blog http://crochetlanee.blogspot.com Check it out for a few recipes and pictures of sweet stuff!

I am lovin life!

2009-10-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's actually an original though from Moi!
Lately it's been seeming like my recently refresh outlook on life is finally making a ripple in my world.
That's an awesome thing for the stagnant pond that I am.
Over the past week, I've made a couple things according to other people's specifications (custom orders) and they've loved them, I've taken my 'Just Get It Done' way of looking at things more seriously and have actually been getting shit done!

Even though my mounds of progress look like baby steps, when I take a step outside myself to look at what's really going on from an outsider's view, it's big to me and I feel great!
My son turned 6 a couple weeks ago, my little brother 19 the week after. My mom's birthday is today, and while she's away hopefully enjoying a nice relaxing couple of days away from home, I'm still baking her a cake for her day.
And I'm making it from scratch!

If it turns out ok, I'll share with you where I got the recipe, If not, i'm probably going to forget I ever said anything, throw the whole thing away and reconsider my choice to go to culinary school for baking. I've already messed up a batch of cookies, but I blame that on my measuring spoons and unwillingness to bake them in the first place. peanut butter cookies just are not my thing.

I have so much more to ramble about, but I just feel like I'm missing something, so I'm going to bounce for now...

BBL fer sure! lol

You know it's good when it makes you cry

2009-09-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that you can think of a few things that the title of this blog could apply to, but, get your mind out of the gutter- I was talking about books! (this time).

Last week, I took Dominic to the library to pick out a few books, and decided to get one for myself as well. While strolling down the fiction section, looking for books with muted colors and ladies in Victorian attire on the cover, I couldn't find what I thought I was looking for, but came upon a novel called

Until That Good Day, by Marjorie Kemper.

This book is set in Louisiana during the depression era and is about a traveling sales man's lives. (Yeah- lives- he seems to have folds of them)

I've found myself looking over at my son , curled up and sleeping next to me while I read, and wondering what his fair in the winter, olive in the summer skin would have allowed him to get away with back in that day. (Assuming that he w ould have even been around)

I am, to this day, a bit perplexed by his fine brown hair and ever changing eye color. While I feel like he looks a lot like me, I still run my fingers through his hair and hold his face to see his eyes from time to time.

It's so silly now that I'm thinking of it, but before he was born. I was very worried about the looks and questions I would have to face while being out in public with him. I was sure that he would have to pay for being different from me. I even joined a few online groups to see consoling words from other mothers of bi-racial children. I was 19 back then, and it seems so long ago now, but there are times when I look at him and the way he does things and the way he interacts with other kids and wonder if he will ever have to chose. Or if he ever will.

He's a pretty laid back and somewhat oblivious child.

I like to think that my what others would consider liberal style of parenting may take some credit for that.

There was one time we he and I were on a bus. He was a baby with just a tuft of hair and big blue eyes and I was 19, looking like I was going on 2 myself, I suppose, because people looked at me with reassuring smiles although I wasn't worried about a thing.

After exchanging smiles with Dominic for a few stops, the lady who was sitting next to us up and asked me if I was babysitting. I must have looked at her like she was the hottest, most steaming pile of shit I had ever seen while I replied, "No.", because she had a look on her face that you would expect some one to have right after some one pulls on their tongue so much so as to stretch it aaaaalll the way out, then let it snap back and roll up into their face. (think Tom and Jerry)

Perhaps she thought she was asking one of those questions that people ask, even though they already know the answer to it like, 'nice day out, isn't it?' or 'you waiting for the bus?' when they see you standing directly next to a sign with a route number on it.

She told me that she asked because I looked so young- but really?

That experience pissed me off so much that I learned to smile back at the odd looks thatI got when Dominic called me mama, or when I would inadvertently put his pacifier in my mouth while digging something out of his diaper bag. You know, things only Mothers do.

When I went to register him for school this year. I had forgotten to fill one section of it and then there was the question, what race is he?

It's summer and I'm a few shades darker than normal, but certainly, you can see that I'm black. When I said he is both black and white equally, I was told that there could only be one choice, I was asked what color the father was and the guy behind the counter put that.

I was almost hurt, thinking, I carried this kid for 9 months, take food out of my mouth for him, and so on and I don't even count to the Clark County school district???

Then I realized that battles are to be picked, and I remembered the values that I'm instilling in Dominic and decided that it didn't matter what some guy with make up, a weave, and a beard behind some counter thought.

My big brother, who was with me noted that that was a fucked up thing to do. I do love him.

Anyway,

Dominic is who he is and will be who he will be. The end.

I do believe I've gone off on a tangent...

My bad.

I think this book, Until That Good Day, is pretty decent. And while most would think that the main charachter wouldn't deserve a tear, I found myself shedding a few. Perhaps because of my little story up there, or maybe it's just that good.

If you like reading books that are set in an earlier era, you might want to check this one out.

Such is life

2009-09-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

There should have been several posts before this one. But there aren't.

Such is life.

I'll make a long story short anyway, just so you'll see where I'm coming from tonight.

In june, my little brother graduated high school. In August, WE decided to move away to go to college. To california. He wants to be a probation officer, My goal is to become a social worker.

He went first (because he was fresh out of high school, and for some reason, they went first). My mother and went out to california to check on him and to set things up for me. While out there, we learned that things weren't going positively for him.. my set up plans fell through, and here I am today.

Still in Las Vegas, but now with the mind set of 'I will Do SOMETHING!'.

While I've sat on my ass for about 7 (gasp) years now, It's pretty obvious to me that the only way to change that part of me is to get rid of it altogether.

Go to school, start living again!

I don't know if it was the voyage to California and back home that kicked things into high gear, or something else, but in high gear, I am.

I am determined to do something. Determined to make a way.

Right now, my mind is set on getting my son ready for his life. He started school this year (and is doing quite well). Perhaps that's what gave me a little kick as well.

I'm realizing that video games, bouncy toys, and cuddles galore aren't going to get my boy to where he needs to be. It just won't cut it anymore, and I'm in no position right now to do much for his future( and subsequently, our future).

So. My mind is swimming with options. It seems like I'll be in this shit hole of a town for at least 2 more years if i'm not able to help it.

It seems like with this more positive outlook, with this new found spark, great things are happening around me and i don't want to fall back into the sedentary mentality and miss out on them.

I've declared that it is only I that can determine what path to go down, what mood to be in, which desired outcome I'll go with.

But under it all, I am still Nisha. The Nisha that has become accustomed to easy doing it. I never was very competitive; rather I take an 'If you really want it, you can have it, GOSH!' stance on a lot of things.

Sadly, from sports, to jobs, to worth, happiness, love, attention, devotion, and so many other things that, if given too freely can be detrimental to self.

damn you guys, that was a long story short long!

Pretty much, I'm up blogging right now because I can't sleep. I'm thinking about my visit to CSN and how it left me even more confused than before i went, a chat with a friend who tried to break it down, but really didn't.

I'm afraid to commit to a program because in my dream world, I'm not living in nevada even 1 year from now. (yes, this is the same chick who just a few years ago was ready to commit to marriage and what not).

That shit is done with though, Nisha is like, screw a marriage, if you want to stay, stay, if you want to leave, good luck and don't take my big screen.

I'm feeling slightly confused, but headed in the right direction.

I'm feeling lonely with the weakness that feeling like I need some one to hold my hand and tell me that things will be ok, that things will work out is. Because I don't have that right now. So, I just wish I didn't want it.

I'm feeling like a middle school aged girl on the inside who likes some one, but is afraid to like them, but does none the less. I think i come off as confident, but really I'm so unsure of it all. So unsure that when I realize that this person is creeping into my dreams, I wake myself up. So as not to become too attatched to the image and idea when the real subject is outside of arm's reach.

Maybe I just love Robin Thicke too much and should remember to turn my music player off before I fall too deep into sleep.

A Snippet of Conversation

2009-08-05T18:48:00.000-07:00

While in the bathroom finishing my hair, my son comes in with a small dumbbell and asks"

'hey mama, wanna exercise your muscles?'

I was like, no.

'it'll help you lose weight'

I replied, 'I don't need to lose weight.'

his response: "Well, it looks like you do."

My Little Dracula Baby

2009-07-31T18:14:00.001-07:00

Before I could post pics and brag about how my son's snaggle tooth finally fell out last week, the other one came out too!

Now that I can actually see the changes in my son, I feel like time is flying by faster than ever.

I was kind of hoping for a toothless school picture, and if they do it soon enough, I just may get it!

And What Are You Going to Do for ME?

2009-07-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

I've come to the point where I'm expecting things in return. Simply giving is not enough in most cases.
I think this epiphany was reached when I realized not too long ago that while I was giving so much of myself to make sure that the people around me's needs were met, I found myself feeling empty and wishing some one would notice or care that I was in need myself.

But for real, that shit's getting old.

I'm 25 now- I figure; I'm at the point in life where, after every waking morning, I've had to put someone else before me, get up out of bed when i REALLY didn't want to, and have for way too long neglected improving on the quality of my life.

I'm not totally to the 'fuck every one else' point, and I hope that i will never get there, but I'm finding it easier to ask- 'If I do this for you, what are you going to do for me?'

My theory is that a person who never or rarely asks this question always or almost always is getting screwed.

It's not too much to ask that I be considered. In fact, It's a rule!

Tiny,Toya, T.I. - depart from my dreams please and thank you.

2009-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know why these folks are in my head, but they are. My mom watches the Tiny and Toya show- which I can't stand but I often wind up hearing their annoying country asses anyway.

Long story short, I dreamt that T.I. died for no reason at all(as far as I know, the man is still alive and well), and even though we know that the T&T show was taped long ago, there was nothing on but episodes full of them in distress about this whole matter.

I'd like to go back to having fantasies of out of this world hot guys who want me and only me, pools full of yarn and money (separate pools- paper cuts are not my friend), and a world in which cake is like vitamin B-12.

thanks =-)

It is SO all about ME!

2009-07-17T02:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I wish. boy do I wish...

But! I do know that my brother thinks about me, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

He bought me all this yarn the other day- I just want to BITE it! it looks so YUMMY!

It's all acrylic and super soft too!

I just can't wait to make something fun with it. A lot of the colors, I already have, but I still love love love them!

In other news, we took my son to get his shots for school this week. 3 big owwies! I'd warned him that he would need about 5 shots, but when we got there, he only needed 3, which we thought was a good thing.

Until he went into the room and saw the needles.

After all the screaming, crying, and trying to get away, He decided that 1 would have been waaaay better than 3, and none would have been Way Way better than that.

An Ice cream sandwich, some tylenol and a brand new battleball set or what ever the heck it's called later- things are alright and we're back to looking forward to his first day.

Here we were before we went bowling on Monday.

I think he tries to mess pictures up with silly faces

Wtf is up with these crazy ass dreams!

2009-07-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

It wasn't until I closed my eyes to sleep that I began itching out of control. At first, I thought- oh no, chlorine is super strong these days and I must be allergic to it! (from swimming a couple of days ago)

Then I thought, Oh fuck! we have bed bugs!

Buuuuut, Dominic hops from bed to bed without any complaints so, that theory wasn't going to do.

Then i drifted off to sleep while scratching nearly every possible itching spot on my body and dreamt that I had the mumps!

I've never seen the mumps, but somehow, that night, they came in clear in my vivid dream world. (even though I'm trying to remember that mumps don't itch)

Right before my mother was about to strap sardines to my throat, my dream switched to me being employed in a building where they were trying to conserve energy or something, because there was a 'no less than 4 in the elevator' policy, so i would up running up and down flights of stairs for shit that didn't really matter anyway.

Then, my dream switched again!
Only this time, I was in a pool with to guys and 2 girls.
Being in the drought that I'm in, I was aiming for one of the boys, but so was another girl, who was my friend.
I eventually slung her fat ass out of the pool and made her hit her head on a patio chair 'accidentally' then I 'accidentally' made her 'drink' some of the water until she stopped flailing a little.

But in the end, she lured me back into the pool where I suddenly could not tell up from down and wound up bumping the bottom of the pool with my face like some dumb ass fish, thinking that the bottom was up.

Fuckin strange!

I call what I'm going through being celibate, because that makes me feel like it's my choice, lol. But I really have been thinking about grabbing some one up in a cougar-ish type of way and bidding them farewell, good fortune and ease at college in a proper way.
(I'm too chicken shit to do that in real life- my mother is always in the back of my mind telling me what I shouldn't be doing, besides)

But, i totally have an explanation for why i was itching so much last night!

Pineapples!

Yesterday, I ordered pizza, one of which was Hawaiian style (really gross, I agree, but my brother loves it)
I threw up from that kind of pizza when I was little. Something about sweet and salty just doesn't mix for nisha.

Anyway, long story short, I'm allergic to canned pineapple- makes me itch like whoa! and i thought, shit,' i'm hungry, i'm just going to eat one of these slices of pizza and it s hould be alright'

I forgot where i was going with this.

I love this Kid! And my sanity

2009-07-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

While laying in bed one night, my son and I were whispering to each other and i just had to tell him that his breath smelled like rubber.

Here's the dialoge:

" psst psst pstt.

Man Dominic, your breath smells like rubber

Dominic: Rubber pancakes?

Me: No, Rubber tires! - wait, when have you ever tasted rubber pancakes?

Dominic: At Mc Donalds!"

I must have laughed all night long. and not just the tee hee heee hee laugh, but the kind that sounds like an old car that won't start with a bit of choking in between.

There's more-

Dominic: Man, one time I threw up from a hamburger

Me: what kind of hamburger??

Dominic: It had cheese, onions and NOT my favorite catsup on it! - You should have tasted it. If you would have tasted it, it would have made you throw up too.... yeah, I think that catsup was not good."

and yet, more conversation. (he's the type of kid that needs to ramble himself to sleep, and so, I let him)

Dominic: One time, I threw up carrots in my Nana's garbage can.

Me: LOL what?!

Dominic: Yea, and noonalls - they hurt my throat!"

I couldn't help but die laughing. after he had eaten some cup of noodles, he decided that it was a good idea to do the whole upside down bicycle thing (even though he was told not to)

And would up throwing up that night. lol

His short stories of throwing up and how noodles hurt his throat on the way up made me laugh even harder because i remember someone mentioning that they'd thrown up corn flakes at one time or another, and how bad it hurt.

I wonder if laughing adds any time to your life, if so, I think I may live a loooong time if I keep allowing my son to ramble as he does.

More Smiles than Works!

2009-07-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

By our standards, this 4th of July could be called a dud. Where we usually have bottle rockets, roman candles, and lots of what ever else those fireworks that shoot sky high are called, this year it was about $25 worth of TNT. (which isn't a whole hell of a lot these days)

(Hitching a piggy back ride on my little brother)

But, we had lots of smiles. I woke up, had a few jello shots, some beer, stuffed some burgers and grilled them, then chilled with the family while we ate and talked, laughed and drank some more.

I remember being totally afraid of fireworks up until a few years ago and so, it's natural that Dominic spent most of our fireworks time up in the room looking out of the window.

Independence day is a total 'Because We Can' holiday. And although we didn't have big bucks to spend on big bangs, we ate, drank, laughed, and sat out side while we watched the craziest of us light shit on fire because we could!

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th!

Jumping right in Here

2009-07-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting to blog here until I've come up with a proper introduction for this little blog space I've created. But, waiting on that may mean never getting into blogging here, so I'm just going to jump right in.

(after a short intro)

On this blog, I plan to share with you what goes on in my life from day to day. I've been trying to use twitter for this, but have been finding that 140 words is not enough to fit all the bitching in that I have to do.

(hey, this is turning into a real intro- awesome!)

I am 25 now- my b-day was June 29th, and I'm feeling the time passing by. Not really like I'm rowing my own boat, but kinda just going with the ripple.

I have a 5 year old who will be starting kindergarten this year. (that scares me a bit) - partially because this means that my stint as a Stay At Home Mom will be no more, and partailly because I won't be able to hover over him and make sure that he's doing everything right and according to the rules. I just wish I could be the little angel on his shoulder advising him on what to do in life, but I do understand that he's going to develop his own conscious sooner or later.

I crochet and read a lot. I have another blog, which is entitled Lanee's Crochet (after my Etsy Shop and Artfire Studio). Those are places where I've put my crochet work out there hoping that some one will find it nice enough to purchase.
I may be bitching about slow sales here and there from time to time, but i'm going to try to keep the whole craft thing seperately. ( I know that no one likes a whiner and especially not one who does it more places than one.) =-)

Books!
I like to read. It helps me escape the world i'm living in for just a bit each day. I tend to read inspirational fiction. That is fiction with hints of religion, but not total full on God saved the day type stuff, which always have a happy ending.

SO-
To get on with it- the book I'm currently reading is called The Vanishaing Point by Mary Sharratt.
It's set in the 17th century, and although I'm only on chapter 3 or so- I'm liking it so far.
In it, a pair of sisters; May, who is 20 something, beautiful , and quite loose is sent to America to be married off to a distant cousin, and the other, Hannah, is awkward, red haired, perhaps not to much to look at, but has been educated in medicine by her father (which was a no-no back then).

I am a bit past the part where Hannah arrives in America to find her sister. I'm not wanting to go into the whole story, so I'm just going to say that i'm loving this book so far and am hoping to see it to the end.

I had picked up another book while at the library which is by Jodi Picoult, Keeping Faith.
I was digging it until stigmata was introduced. I don't know what it is about that, but it made me close the book and just be done with it.
I wanted to read her book which has come out as a movie, My Sister's Keeper, but they were all checked out, so I picked up this one hoping to get a feel for what I was wanting to see.

Several people have told me that movies are often no where near as good as the books they've come from, so I thought I'd give the whole cart after the horse thing a try.
Now I'm not even wanting to see the move and will probably wait until it comes out in the Red Box thing up at the loacal store.

WHO takes a glass of iced tea and jersey sheet and sits out on the porch while reading and ignoring the fact that it's 101 degrees out?

Nisha Does!